Wondering Why

Since I was very young, I've always enjoyed giving gifts. It's not about how the person responds. There's just great joy in the giving.

Doing something for someone that is not expected. Something that is extra, just because. It doesn't have to be someone especially close, but if it is for someone particularly close the gifts get bigger :) 

It's not something I've ever given much thought: the why of it. It's just something I do. Giving is just deeply intertwined as a part of who I am.

What I've noticed though, over the years, are some of the atypical reactions I've received. Almost always, I receive a smile and a thank you or a phone call when given at a distance, but sometimes people surprise me. Looking back, I remember one person accusing me of having an ulterior motive for giving. And yes, I was shocked. Fortunately, it wasn't right after I gave the gift, but rather much later. :) Recently, a gift made such an impact, Matt and I both received profuse thankfulness from the couple. Undoubtedly, those two extremes have been rare, but I treasure the spirit of gratitude from the couple, how well it speaks of them and who they are. How grateful I am even for the accusation, for it revealed the heart of the accuser.

So after all of these years, why am I just now stopping to take stock of "why?"

Recently, three new babies were born in the same week at our church. Yes, three in one week! Of all the things I get excited about the most in life, seeing godly people marry and seeing babies born to Christians top the chart. So, what did I do? Made a meal for two of those families (the third is not in regular contact with Matt or me at church, but we know and like them too) and bought a baby gift for each family.

The tiny gift in front is a pre-shower gift :). One of the babies was born prematurely and the shower had to be rescheduled. I couldn't wait to give her something, so she gets a pre-shower gift for her baby and one at the shower. I think I'm an addict. :-/

As I was putting together these gifts, I began doing a self-check asking myself why, asking if I know why I'm prone to buying so many gifts for others. It occurred to me, since the "accuser" I mentioned was a minister, of all things, that the people around me at church (who are mostly staff members/ministers) may begin to wonder about my motives as well. I don't give "in front of people" like those in the early church were warned not to do when giving their tithes and offerings, but Facebook and how far we live from the church seems to contribute to more being aware. By that I mean, I give the gifts when I see people at church or after ladies Bible study because I'm already in the area to see people. I usually don't make extra trips except when someone is in the hospital. We live 45 minutes away.

So, I thought if that earlier experience of being accused by a minister triggered a question in my mind of whether or not that may cross the minds of the people I'm around now, then I suppose I should check myself. As I considered it, these are some of the reasons why. I give because I like the person and want good things for her. I give because I'm excited for her and the new blessing (marriage, baby or house). I give because I think it will meet a need that may not otherwise be met. I give to be an encouragement to others. I give because I have it to give (I've been blessed). I give because I believe we are a real family as Christians and we have some responsibility to one another (check out Acts). I give because I think it's right, the right thing to do, because it is a good thing (To him who knows to do good and doeth it not, to him it is sin. James 4:17). I give because I prayed for years God would bless me financially so I can always give abundantly and prayed my husband would be a giver too...and he is!! So I sure better be giving!!

As I think about that accusation, I knew it wasn't true of me at the time, but even now I laugh a bit because I can't remember one time I got anything from what I gave. Not tangibly or intangibly from the person. If I gave to a friend, true friendship already existed and continued on in the natural course of life. The gift didn't affect the relationship at all, except that it was a blessing and hopefully an encouragement to the friend. There are other ways to encourage our friends so a gift isn't necessary to accomplish that. It was just my choice of what means to encourage at the time. If the person was an acquaintance, an acquaintance she remained. If the person appeared to be a friend, but was not, it was eventually made known and we parted ways. In human terms, gift-giving is a losing proposition.

Fortunately, God blesses giving. From God I've been blessed as I've given. It feels good to me on the inside when I give to bless others and I've never, ever, ever regretted giving a gift. Not even one given to my accuser (although there have been no new gifts...I may be generous, but I'm not a fool ;). I do believe that God is answering those many prayers for financial resources because He wants me to bless others with what we have been given. So tangibly and intangibly, God has given to me greatly as I've given to others.

This may sound silly, especially if you can't relate, but I guess one more answer as to why I give is that it's fun! It really is fun to give.

Good Use

When we learned we were expecting a baby, I went gangbusters. Researching. Reading. Buying. 

One of the things I bought was a baby Bible. After asking a few friends what they like best, I made notes and decided I'd probably get more than one. Ok, you're right, I actually bought more than one in those first few weeks and "registered" for a third. :) 

Of the two I bought, I decided to take one with me when taking care of Collin. My first week keeping him, there wasn't an opportunity to read to him and I thought I must be thinking impractically. He's only a few weeks old; it's too early.

The second week, I left it at home. At one point, though, he was wide awake in his swing and reacted a lot when I spent time talking to him. It crossed my mind that I should try again.

On week three, I took the Bible with me again. For the first time while I was there, he stayed awake all morning. I put him in his swing and read him the first Bible story: In the Beginning. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1

I like this Bible because it includes Scripture and is accurate in telling the story. The stories are not too short or embellished. There are some nice pictures and I was sure to lift the book up to show Collin :)

It was a relatively short story, but I was tempted to read him another. He was paying attention so well.

Though I hoped I'd be reading these stories daily to my own baby, I'm glad to put it to good use with this precious baby boy. My prayer is that the seed will be sown in his little heart even now.

A Joyful Irritation

Though it's not a commendable attitude, there are times I feel irritated. Often, I'm irritated by the way people drive. Sometimes I become irritated when I'm working around the house and something suddenly requires more effort than I planned to give. When I find spots have reappeared on the carpet that I've recently cleaned and I feel it will never be "done," I get irritated. 

What I find amusing is how I can struggle with the weight of my thoughts for a prolonged period of time, finally find an opportunity to share it with my husband and after hearing me out, he responds with approximately three simple statements. Those three statements differ from one time to the next, but I've noticed a pattern. Underlying each statement, he's saying: this is our current circumstance (i.e. it may or may not change), God is in control (i.e. there's nothing we can do about it, but that's o.k.) and God has a perfect plan for our life (i.e. it'll all work out and we'll have the best life we could).

In one fell swoop, he manages to both comfort me and put the issue to rest. How does he do that?!?!

It was those messy emotions that were pressing in on me. In one brief, casual, nonchalant conversation, Matt cuts right through those emotions to the truth and there's nothing left for me to do but accept it. Irritating! but such a joyful irritation at that. I am blessed.

Be Jealous

Today I get to spend the day with this little guy...

I'm looking forward to it :)

Complete Distruction

This is what my kitchen looks like after cooking four meals to bless other families and one meal for Matt and me to enjoy.

It would have helped if I had time to empty the dishwasher before destroying the kitchen. As it is now, I'm calling it a night so I can be well rested for taking care of the boy tomorrow.

Sadly, this destruction will remain until I get home tomorrow. It's the exception, not the rule. :)