7 Things

Lately I've been using my planner more often in an attempt to improve productivity. There are certain tasks I aim to do every day and others that I list as extra tasks to be completed.

One goal set as an everyday thing is to read something outside of the Bible. As well-meaning as I may be, it doesn't always happen, but it has happened much more often since I've recorded my goal and look at it daily. 

This is the book I completed a few weeks ago: 

 7 Things He'll Never Tell You, but you need to know

I found this book to be helpful and insightful in some ways, but it is poorly organized. The editor should have done better to improve the overall structure of this work.

One indicator of the structural problems was that I doubted upon completion of the book what 7 things I had learned about "him" that he'd never tell me himself. In order to better grasp and retain some of the good thoughts, I've already spent a little time reviewing what I underlined as I read it.

Here's my attempt at listing the 7 things:
1. Men run out of words before they get home at the end of the day. 

If he has just walked in from work, is watching t.v. or reading a magazine or newspaper, take those as signs he needs space to unwind. Choose your time carefully for when you want to talk. Then, touch him on the arm first to be sure you have his attention.

2. They never really do grow up. 

They are wired to be number 1. All other things pale in comparison, so he often has a single focus that prevents him from remembering what is important to his wife. Don't take it personally.

3. Things are what register highest on a man's scale.

That's why he'd rather stay home and putter around the garage than go to a social event. It is important to understand that a woman defines herself around a man, but a man doesn't define himself around a woman. If you don't understand that key difference, your feelings will be continually hurt. Just because we enjoy something, that doesn't mean our husband has to do it too.

4. Men don't like to admit it, but they are as emotionally fragile as Humpty Dumpty. 

It hurts him deeply when your attention is diverted from him and on to other things. He asks himself things like: If you don't need me, if others can replace me, why am I beating my head against the wall? Why do I spend 10 hours a day at work? travel so much? eat bad food? drive over an hour each way to get back and forth from work? If you want your husband to love your kids and not see them as competition for your time, you have to find time for just the two of you.

5. Young eyes may be reading this, so I won't specifically address the fifth thing. You can deduce what the topic is for this point.

Since I just laughed out loud about it, I must relate this little tidbit before moving on to the sixth thing. The author includes a top ten list of how you know when the Honeymoon is over. I liked his number one way: He no longer dances for you when he gets out of the shower. 

6. He needs you to honor him (show courteous regard for him). 

Part of honoring him means honoring his opinions and views. Be careful not to demand his presence with you when there is somewhere you want to go or something you want to do. Ask him and then take him at his word. This may require fighting against a strong desire of your own to have him with you.  

Two more rules of thumb the author mentions are: 1. Don't discuss your husband with your girlfriends (he detests it), unless you speak very highly of him and 2. Let him claim "your stuff" (it's a symbol of respect to him), especially in the area of food. Ha! Who knew?!

7. Longing to be your hero is what drives your man. 

He needs to be your hero. He doesn't want a helpless woman; he wants a capable woman with a sense of independence and self-sufficiency, yet is still vulnerable and needs rescuing every once in a while. He needs you to depend on him. He craves your respect and admiration. If you follow through on meeting his basic needs and fill his love tank, he'll be the happiest man on the planet.

The author points out three basic needs of men: 1. To be Respected, 2. To be Needed and 3. To be Fulfilled. If a wife learns how to meet these three needs, Dr. Leman contends she will have a happy husband who is not only willing, but also eager to help her. How refreshing.