While reading last night, the topic for the section was forgiveness. I don't think I've ever read anyone speak about forgiveness quite the way the author of this book does.
Tripp says we make a vertical commitment and a horizontal transaction when we forgive. Forgiveness, he says, "begins by giving the offense to the Lord. You entrust yourself to God's mercy and justice, and you give yourself to overcoming evil with good." That is the vertical commitment. He adds that "the Bible actually calls the one who has been sinned against to go to the person who committed the offense and present him with it." That is the horizontal transaction.
He explains that it's not good for you or the other person "to act as if a sin committed against you is all right." He continues, saying, "When we fail to bring such things into the light, they fester in the dark of our own sinful heart, and the other does not benefit from the conviction and confession that would help him grow and change."
One of the principles I try to live by is: "Always speak to someone at least once to give him or her the opportunity to change." We all have blind spots and we're better at seeing other people's faults. Knowing I'd rather someone talk to me about an issue (so I'd have an opportunity to change and make things right) rather than cause division in the relationship, I strive to offer others the same courtesy.
It's easier to establish principles to live by than it is to apply them consistently. Tripp's words on forgiveness are a timely reminder.
In order to build up a relationship (whether in marriage or with family and friends), we need to handle it God's way. His way for closeness in any relationship requires traveling down the path of forgiveness and reconciliation.
Tripp says that whether we realize it or not, our tendency to keep our mouths shut on an issue is more for our own self-protection than for consideration of another person's feelings. In my opinion, speaking to someone with grace and truth about an offense is the best way to express that he or she is worth the effort.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. - Colossians 3:12-13
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