Becoming More

Although I don't recall how I learned of this book, it is my latest read: Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst. 

For my birthday, I asked Matt for an iPad. Though I'd wanted one for quite a long time, I wasn't sure why I should actually have one. Sure, I like technology, especially Apple products, but I only had fun reasons for wanting it rather than practical ones.

After thinking of all the books I have lying around and how little space we have to store them, it occurred to me that buying more ebooks and reading them on the iPad would be a practical use while providing varied functionality. It finally made the list.

As it turned out, my mother-in-law offered to buy it for me for my birthday knowing I'd wanted one for a while. How sweet of her to remember and want to give such a nice gift.

My first purchase was the book by Lysa TerKeurst. I'd never read any of her books before, but I know she's got a good reputation in the Christian book arena. Though I've only read a small portion of it so far, it's been just the right book for me in this season of life.

Her book reads much like a personal testimony of God's work in her life and what she's learned. That has made it fun to read because I like hearing women speak of their personal journey with the Lord and how God has led them to the place they are in their relationship with Him today.

If you're looking for something new to read, I recommend it. 

A Favorite

One of my favorite things is freshly cut flowers. Recently, my sweet husband brought me these: 

Some lilies, some roses, lots of color - I love it!

He really is much too good to me.

A Perfect Combination

On a Saturday recently, Matt decided to stay home from work even though we didn't have plans for a day trip. Usually, if we aren't planning to go explore, Matt goes into the office to make progress on the pile of things that never gets close to completely disappearing. As it was, we were overdue to enjoy our little refuge from the big, bad, ugly world out there.

It really was the closest thing to a perfect day. We slept late, had our quiet times, ate breakfast while watching Fox and Friends, each did a couple of simple chores, took in the K-State game (which was some great football), ate lunch, bummed around (well, Matt actually went for a run and I bummed :) and finally, got ready for our date night. Matt asked me out the day before and I liked the plan. 

We'd seen the previews for the movie Looper and were intrigued. Matt prefers going to Annapolis rather than a closer location (because it's aggravating how congested it gets in the area closest to us). He suggested The Cheesecake Factory, a place he had on his mind for my birthday dinner. We don't go often so it was a nice treat. 

Our choice for dessert -- Turtle Cheesecake

 

A lazy day together. A fun-filled date night. It was a perfect combination.

Making Waterfalls

One of my favorite natural wonders is a waterfall. I love them. Now that we're living farther north, I hope we make our way to Niagara Falls before too long.

Since we've lived in our little townhouse, we have experienced two unnatural wonders in our home. I call them accidental waterfalls. The first, you remember, was when I mistakenly left the water running in the sink while the drain was plugged. What a mess! The second happened while Matt was at work...I was running water in the sink and all of a sudden I heard water pouring out behind me!

Water was pouring out of the kitchen light fixture. After several phone calls and a couple of visits, we learned that the evaporation coil in the AC was no longer working, the tray meant to catch any drips had rusted out and the overflow of water was finding it's way through the hole in the ceiling created for our light fixture.

After the HVAC guy shop vac'ed the excess water, everything dried up. Our good fortune: it just turned cool enough here that we don't need the AC anymore. Whew! 

My hope is that we can curtail any unnatural waterfalls in our home in the future. The natural wonders are far greater :)

A Mess Worth Making

Relationships. Recently I mentioned five characteristics I look for to determine whether or not a relationship is a true friendship. However, there is another kind of relationship God wants us to have...a relationship that doesn't demand reciprocity. A ministry relationship. 

This is the one exception to my rule of thumb for how to discern whether or not a friendship is genuine. About four or five years ago, I began asking God what He had for me next. I knew a transition was due, my heart's desires had changed. It was admittedly uncomfortable because I was single and needed continuing employment, but what I was trained to do, educated to do was no longer what I wanted to do. Although it was a very, very slow process to discovering God's call for what would be next, it finally became evident. Discipling women. 

God had given me a few opportunities to guide younger women through some challenges in their lives and I'd seen how God used my influence. It's always a challenge in discipleship to be clear about your role. My job is simply to remind these younger women of the truth from Scripture (much the way I remember my Dad doing in long talks we had while I grew up). It is their responsibility to dwell on that truth and discuss it with the Lord until He convicts their hearts of the right decision in any given situation. The idea is that with a clear biblical principle in hand and the Holy Spirit indwelling their hearts, through prayer and genuine seeking, the right decision will become evident. Then, it simply becomes a matter of the will. 

Each time one young woman successfully navigated through a difficult time in life and I noticed I wouldn't be needed much longer, the Lord brought about a new discipleship relationship seamlessly. I discipled the first young woman for a year, the second young woman for a year and now I'm discipling a third. With the third, we're coming up on a year now too.

The difference between them is that the first two had been believers for years and simply had an area of struggle in life that they needed help navigating. This time, I'm discipling a new believer and her whole way of thinking and living from the past has been challenged. We'll continue on together longer than the first two, but what a joy it is to help a sister in Christ navigate challenges in life to live God's way.

Fan-ware

Knowing Matt bought tickets for us to go to a K-State game toward the end of this month, I began thinking about what cute, cold weather outfit I could come up with in the school colors. Inspired by a scarf I saw online and a new jacket that's quickly becoming a favorite, I bought a new sweater and thought I was well on my way to being a cute alumnae wife for the game.

Then, I saw it. A Facebook friend commented on a picture of a hat and I wanted to order one for the game. Matt says I look good in hats. 

I began the contact through Facebook and continued it by text. This was the end result: 

Taken just after my evening shower, so it's not the best shot.

I can't wait to wear it to the game with my other fan-ware. 

Although I've never been a big fan of watching sports or following a particular team, I'm fired up about seeing some K-State football!! They are playing well this season and it's a ton of fun to watch!

Go K-STATE!!!

Lavish Richly

Of this I am convinced, no matter our nature, our bent, our habits or even our comfort level, it can become second nature to lavish our spouses, our children with love in ways they understand it and to do so richly. This is the way it happens: 1st We gain an understanding of how they feel loved. 2nd We determine to do whatever it takes to show them we love them in the way they understand or experience love.  3rd We choose to speak love to them in that way, regularly. 4th Consistency over time develops a good habit. By doing what is right, the feelings will follow. Your own heart will begin to warm as you show affection, as you show love in ways that connect with your loved one's heart. 

If you have a man who needs words of affirmation, compliment him lavishly and do so in front of friends and family. If you're married to someone who desires your affection, push through your desire to resist (denying yourself) and lavish affection on your spouse. Each time you do these things that go against your nature, you are one step closer to having these things become a natural part of who you are as well. On the road to getting there, pray, be patient and be faithful. 

Do what is right and the blessings will begin to overflow in your marriage and in your relationship with your children. It's not the easy road and that's why God created us differently. We're given the challenge and opportunity daily to go against our nature and choose to do good for someone else. This is how we build treasures in heaven. Like my Dad always used to say, "Anything worth having takes work." A good marriage, a good relationship with your children, building up treasures in heaven, these are things that are worth the work. 

Hit or Miss

With a fair measure of time for our visit to Memphis, I knew I had to see if Amy could get together. She's a minister's wife, mother of a young boy and she's expecting her second son. She's a go-getter, so she stays busy with good things in life. 

We became friends during my time working at the seminary. She started out on staff and I took to her right away. A little later she became a student and remained on staff part-time. She was one of my students since she was studying in one of the degree programs I taught. Later, I convinced her to return to full-time staff as my secretary. She's amazing. She married a godly man. She has a sweet family. Faithful. They are faithful.

Initially we made plans to get together on the day before Matt and I were set to leave town. She expected her in-laws in town for the day on Thursday and wanted time to get ready Wednesday. I had plans on Friday. Saturday it would be. Through a comedy of errors, so-to-speak, due to bad storms to the south and poor communication, the in-laws were delayed in their arrival by two days and my visit was bumped. :( It was disappointing, but in typical classy style, Amy made a phone call and was willing to linger, even with guests in her home who'd just arrived. 

It was less than it would have been to talk face-to-face, see her sweet boy and hug her neck, but it was so good to catch up on life. It's always encouraging to get together with old friends who are living life well. Now, if only I'd seen that little baby bump :)

This is the picture of them I keep on our prayer wall.

My Birthday

Growing up, on our birthdays and at Christmas my sister and I received many, many gifts from our parents. We weren't the kind of family that bought clothes or other things here and there throughout the year. That's what these special occasions were for...to give us new clothes, toys, jewelry, games or whatever else you can imagine. Birthdays weren't about big parties or groups of friends to celebrate, they were low-key, just our family kind-of-days with a special dinner, dessert and lots and lots of gifts :).

Sometimes habits in early family life can distort one's perspective when marrying and finding out your spouse had a completely different experience. Now that we've waded through our first year of birthdays and Christmas, it was time to reevaluate. 

My sister has adopted a three gift rule for Christmas gifts for her family. Jesus received three gifts at his birth, gold, frankincense and myrrh, so it seemed a suitable choice as a guideline for her family. Having five children, it's also practical! 

Leading up to my birthday this year, I mentioned to Matt that I thought going with three gifts would be a good idea. The rest of the year he just keeps telling me to buy whatever I need. For me, it's hard to buy things for myself as I go since I'm not contributing to the family income. Buying things for him is easy. It's time I begin to adjust to that and learn to buy "what I need" as I go (can't risk going crazy like I did when I had my own income in single life :). 

When I sat down to make my birthday list, it was actually easier than I thought. I wanted one thing for the house, one pair of shoes, one set of DVDs and one piece of technology. Ok, so I put 4 things on the list. Then, I added a Bible study I'm interested in reading. Even still, I don't expect to receive all of it. He may have his own ideas about what he'd like to give me. I just want to keep things simple for my sweet hates-to-shop husband. I included internet sites for each item, specific descriptions and prices so he'd have confidence as he sought out any items on my list. 

Let me just say, this has taken the pressure off. I can give him good direction for buying for me and I can focus on a few things for him. We together can keep things tighter during a time of year when we have many other family birthdays and Christmas for which to buy gifts. 

Since Matt and I are big on quality time, a night out for dinner and/or a day trip during the month will round out the experience for us. I love building memories with Matt. 

I must admit that my Christmas list is almost finished as of Sunday night. 

Here's the birthday stack, hee hee: 

Just My Style

There's just something about Olive Garden that I enjoy. For me it is a bit odd because they always have a fairly long wait, even in Memphis. The food takes longer than most restaurants to come out of the kitchen. There are always lots of people crowding the restaurant, so it's usually louder than I like. Since atmosphere is a huge thing with me when it comes to restaurants, I'm not sure why I still want to go back from time to time. 

While in Memphis in August, I suggested to my friend Wendy that we take in some Italian. Since I like their appetizers, pasta, salad and desserts, when I'm there it's usually a time I splurge. It turned out to be a perfect choice for my visit with Wendy because she was on the same page. 

We indulged. Caprese flatbread, salad, pasta and I can't even remember what fabulous sweet treat we chose. It was a fantastic dinner, but the visit was even better. 

Wendy and I were long overdue to catch up. Her life has been moving along like she's caught up in a whirlwind. Even in the midst of the havoc, God is blessing her and her work abundantly. She loves what she's doing. For her, it's a calling. She teaches 6th graders and coaches too. It was fun to hear all of the wonderful things happening in her world. 

There's just nothing like spending time with a close friend.

Remembering

It's funny the things you remember...and why it strikes when it does. 

Even before we were married, I learned Matt has a taste for honey. It's not something I can particularly relate to, but I like a good honey-ham or honey barbeque sauce. Straight honey...I don't have many thoughts on how to use it in an appetizing way. On more than one occasion I've used honey as an ingredient on allrecipes.com to come up with new ideas. I've never gotten very far with it. 

This morning, with a few biscuits in the frig and some leftover ham, it occurred to me to throw a little ham and honey on a biscuit. I threw a few slices of ham in a skillet to heat it up. Then, added a little butter to the leftover ham juice and toasted the split biscuit. Finally, I put the ham on the biscuit and drizzled a little honey on top before closing it up. 

At this very moment, I have no idea how it came off. As I walked upstairs with a travel mug for Matt's leftover morning coffee, I thought about what I'd just put together and wondered where that idea might have come from. That's when I began thinking about my grandfather. My dad's dad.

For most of my young life I found myself at his house sitting across the table from him with some scratch-made biscuits. Carved in my memory is an image of him picking up a biscuit, slicing it in half and drizzling a little honey on it. Then that warm smile and bright eyes I'm so familiar with, I remembered that too. His kind and loving face. 

On this morning, a few years after his passing, I'm thankful for a husband who likes honey. It's another sweet reminder of the grandfather who loved so richly and had a life well-lived.

 One of my favorite pics of Granddad (with my sister, Tracey)

What A Breath of Fresh Air

One thing I can count on with my sweet friend Rebekah is eating outside when we go for dinner. Remembering a place we'd gone some time ago, I suggested Swanky's. Although I knew she'd prefer eating outside, I waited for her to arrive just to be sure the weather would be comfortable enough in her estimation. 

As it turned out, eating outside allowed us to catch up while seated much longer :) It was well past midnight before we finally parted ways. That's the way it should be with good friends...the time should fly...

Rebekah always makes me laugh with her wild stories and awkward encounters. She takes it all in stride and no one would ever know what goes through her mind in the moment.

She genuinely enjoys people and takes in all the oddities and awkwardness as her own little gift of entertainment in life. I find it refreshing to know someone who doesn't become bothered by these things, but sees the humor in it all.

True Friends

For much of my life, I didn't know how to discern whether or not a person in my life was a true friend. It's sad to say that I just wasn't sure what I should look for in the relationship.

Early on, if there was a semblance of commitment and time spent with me, that was all I needed to believe I had a good friend. That is no longer the case.

Here are the things I look for now to determine if there is potential in a relationship and ultimately if a long-term relationship is genuine friendship:

1. Is there a general interest in me and my life? This may be demonstrated by asking me questions, calling/emailing/texting, making plans to spend time together and/or offering to pray for me about something I share (and following up). If none of these is present or if very infrequent, I consider the person an acquaintance. We're not friends and have no real potential to become friends. The only exception to this rule of thumb is if the other person is an old friend, our lives rarely cross paths now, yet we keep in touch. The extra effort to keep in touch once it becomes so difficult keeps that relationship in the friendship category.

2. Are we able to talk about important issues, concerns and feelings reciprocally? It's fairly easy for me to share with someone I consider a true friend. One day I realized that in certain relationships I was the only one sharing. That's how I've been burned in the past so many times. I'm learning who I can trust and who I can't. A significant mark of true friendship is whether or not I can open up about my life and know that it won't go anywhere. I'm that kind of friend, but I don't often find that quality in others. It is a shame, but women are typically pitiful gossips. (One little tip here: if you hear someone gossip about someone while with you, don't trust them. They'll gossip about you too.) When someone opens up with me and shares something on a personal level, I know there is potential. I've been trusted with that friend's heart. That's the level of sharing that could be damaging if shared with someone who might use it against them. In this time of life, I have several friends who share openly. I'm so blessed to be entrusted with the important things and I'm glad to trust them in return. Mutual vulnerability is necessary to establish the bonds of true friendship.

3. Are my interests valuable and important to her? Scripture charges us to look out not only for our own interests but also for the interests of others. If this is not evident in a relationship, there is no potential for true friendship. One significant measurement of this for me (though not the only one) is whether or not a friend prays faithfully for the most important issues in my life. For example, Matt and I have made known our desire to have children. I have a few friends who have prayed regularly that we would be blessed with children. Plenty of people know who could be praying; a few have prayed and followed up. This is a significant mark of true friendship. These people have nothing to gain for themselves by praying faithfully (except proving to be a faithful friend and seeing the prayers answered), but they are looking out for our interests in the midst of it.

4. Is she making any effort? Any sacrifices, so-to-speak. If the effort is almost entirely one-sided, I'm merely offering my friendship without any reciprocation. If I'm the only one to call, email, text, ask questions, if I'm always the one going to the other person's house, always meeting her on her turf, agreeing to her plans without her ever agreeing to mine, these are indications that the attention is appreciated and valued to some extent, but that genuine friendship is not being offered. The exception to this is when a friend has young children and I routinely offer to go to her house to simplify the environment for the children while we visit. Children usually do better in familiar places. 

5. Is there spiritual encouragement? In Christian friendship, being able to talk about spiritual things and to encourage one another is crucial. If I am not being uplifted in the relationship (or am not lifting up the other person) on a spiritual level, it is not true friendship. While on staff at a seminary, I served for a while as Dean of Women, which made me co-chair of the student disciplinary committee. On more than one occasion I wondered how someone could be close friends with a person in gross immorality and not see the problems in that friend's character. Now, I understand. If you don't look for what should be there in a Christian friendship, you miss seeing what is not there. Don't be deceived, Christian brother and sister. There are many in our church who are not living right, no matter the appearance. How do you know when someone lacks character?...when you befriend someone and receive no spiritual encouragement through your interactions. We talk about what we love. If you don't hear yourself talk about the Lord, if you don't hear your friend talk about the Lord, love for Him is missing.

We all have limited resources when it comes to offering friendship. What I mean is that we only have so much time, yet we have a lot of responsibilities to attend to daily. What does that mean for our friendships? That means we'd better be as wise as possible with our choices of where to invest the little time we do have to build friendships. Ultimately, God makes the way for friendships He plans for us. We have to have the wisdom to identify what friendships He wants us to pursue.

As a very committed person, I used to have trouble letting go of relationships that were clearly not genuine friendships. I can definitely say I felt it, but I didn't know what to do once I felt the disconnect. Now, I know. 

If you haven't yet, learn to be a friend. Learn how to choose a friend. Learn how to let go of relationships with no potential. Trust God with His plan for your relationships. Just as He has given them to me, He will give you true friends.

Lazy Day

While in Memphis, we had a repeat visit on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Originally, our only visit with Nick and Katrina was planned for Sunday afternoon because of conflicting schedules; It was the only time we thought we'd find during our visit. Then, Katrina suggested another opportunity, so we ended up on our Abuelos/miniature golf adventure our first night in town. We decided a second visit would be twice as nice!

After church we all went to one of Matt's favorite restaurants, Gus's Fried Chicken.

I'm spoiled to have grown up in the South, so although Gus's is really good fried chicken, rather than considering it 'outstanding'...it's 'just the way it should be' to a girl who's had it all her life.

I did load up on some corn nuggets, so I was quite pleased nonetheless. 

We enjoyed hanging out and catching up some more at lunch, but Matt had a few errands to run. Things I didn't know were on the agenda. We spent a couple hours making the rounds and then dropped by Nick's house to resume our visit. Football and Phase 10. 

It was nice to kick back, relax and spend a lazy Sunday afternoon with good friends.