Catch 22

When it comes to me and expressions of affection, there is a smother factor. :) In my entire life, there is only one person who's ever outdone me in the affection department.

That one, brief momentary experience in life is what I try to draw on to understand the affects my affection has on people who need less affection than I do. That moment was when my niece was about 4 years old. 

The back story: My niece was born not even wanting to be cuddled or held the way most babies do. I remember that every time one of us picked her up and attempted to nestle her on our shoulder or cradle her in our arms, she stiffened her neck, arched her back and pulled away, almost removing all contact. 

My sister is a very attentive mom. She noticed this right away and immediately decided she'd shower this little baby with affection until she decided she liked it. The net result: by the age of four years old, in a single moment in time, that sweet girl out-affectioned the undisputed champion of affection smotherdom. 

I immediately gave my sister the news that her job was done. My sweet niece equalized and never again had a moment where she out-affectioned me. She is just right in that area. I, on the other hand, am still prone to smother the ones I love. :)

Guess who is the primary recipient of that now?! I try to remind myself, "He can't handle my level of affection: watch the smother factor!" 

So, you may ask, "Where lies the catch 22?" The more loved I feel, the more I appreciate my daring husband, the more fulfilled and secure I feel in his love...the more affection I express. The smother factor shoots up and I risk squashing his motivation to express affection towards me. Ouch!

I recently attempted to reassure him it would get better if we are able to have children...that I'd have other little people to shower with my affection and his portion would probably shrink to a manageable level. A thought crossed his mind, but he said little. I married a smart man. :)

God has a unique sense of humor... ;)