A few years ago I read a book called Changes That Heal. One of the lessons I learned was about real intimacy. The author presented real intimacy as being emotionally vulnerable with someone you love and receiving acceptance, gentleness and love in return. On occasions when a husband or wife is bold enough to share his or her heart with the other and acceptance, gentleness and love is the response, a deep bond forms between them. That bond is the result of deeper intimacy being achieved in the relationship. Knowing another person and being known. Being loved deeper still.
The author talked about the fallacy in this world of thinking intimacy is found in a physical relationship and mentioned the sad fact that even in marriages that last, many never achieve true intimacy.
His comments were all I needed to know what I wanted for my future marriage. His words also prepared me to be able to engage in a relationship on that level.
It is really scary to be vulnerable with someone after you've been burned in relationship after relationship, but it's worth the risk with the right person. You see, even as wonderfully blessed as I am to be married to Matt, even though I know he loves and accepts me for who I am, it is still very difficult for me to open up about my feelings.
In our relationship before marriage, I dared to share with him some of my feelings about different situations in relationships around me and he was wonderful. He was accepting, loving, gentle, supportive and he listened very well. Each time, his words were exactly the words I needed to hear. It was unbelievable. A rare experience for me. Something I crave in relationship.
Among other things, these experiences of sharing my heart convinced me that he is a man of godly character, that he is the man God chose for me to marry and that we would have a blessed relationship in marriage. As secure as I feel in our marriage, as much as I know I can trust my heart with Matt, the fear of rejection (emotionally) still remains. My natural tendency is to hold back those thoughts, those feelings, but I must confess, when I've dared to talk with him about those things closest to my heart, I've noticed this amazing sense of connection with him that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Achieving real intimacy is a daily choice. That's what I want for my marriage as the years continue to pass. That's what I want for all of our marriages.
Thank you, Dr. Cloud! Your insights have been a blessing in my life and marriage already. Thank you Lord for speaking through your children to show us the way...
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